does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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