New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
