Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
