There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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