One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
