I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
