I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I want is dick and wine.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
