Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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