he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
