Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
