we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
