The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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