The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
