i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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