that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
