Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
