Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Come see our sink grown plant.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
