I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
