he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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