margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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