I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
