i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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