I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
