So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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