your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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