I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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