I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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