Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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