I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
