So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
