I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
