It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize