Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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