last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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