Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Congratulations! We have a period
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