I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
