I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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