I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
