Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
