Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
