my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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