i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize