I hate all girls vehemently.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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