I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
