OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
