went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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