Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
