Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize