Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
