You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
