I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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