I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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