i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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