I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
