And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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