Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
