im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I smell stomach acid.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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