What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
