You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize