Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
