I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
