my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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