Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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