Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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