dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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