I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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