True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
