just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize