Barsexuality is the new black.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
