i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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