I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
