I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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