Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
